Tommy x Arnon
by Skitter160
Summary: Tommy regrets what never he never said. This time he's going say it, even if it's too late.
**Melinda's list notes:**

Chapter pairing: Tommy x Arnon

Fandom: Fake

Designation: Original Universe

Tommy stood before the iron gates staring beyond with trepidation, he'd brought himself here but he still wasn't sure he wanted to go in. This time he was alone but somehow that made it easier to make his way through the headstones, if not creepier. It had taken him a long time to come here and even as he reached the grave he was looking for he felt like bolting. Instead he looked down at the headstone reading the name running a hand over the cold granite. He had so many regrets and as he stared at the name of the boy he loved carved in stone he decided he wouldn't let this be one. Late as it was.

He sat down directly across from the headstone, close enough to reach out and touch it. He sat in the wet grass that had recently covered the grave, it didn't concern him that it was already soaking through his pants. The last time he had been here was the funeral, but he couldn't have done this then. He could barely do it now, he reminded himself of how important it was to get this out as the minutes passed and tears streamed down his cheeks. This was proving harder than he thought.

"I..." He finally started wiping his eyes after staring at the name for a good ten minutes. He took a deep breath and continued. "I know I wasn't always nice to you, I wasn't very good to you either, and I never told you..." Tommy paused with another wipe of his eyes he looked around making sure no one was there again. Satisfied to see no one he went on. "I never told you that I fell in love with you." He pulled his knees up and looked at the headstone again remembering everything.

He could recall every touch of smooth heated skin beneath his own, every biting remark, followed by dazzling love struck smiles. He could remember every kiss exchanged, every love bite, and every embrace. He was lost in every time the other boy had confessed to him and he'd instead just fucked him harder ignoring it. The whole six months they spent together he'd been telling himself it was just sex. He'd told Arnon the same thing after he was finally confronted about it. The other boy had somehow accepted it and wrapped him in a warm forgiving embrace and the issue was never raised again.

Of course he knew that it had hurt Arnon, it was all to obvious. But any time he would start to feel guilty about it Arnon would take him in his arms and hold him. He would be the one getting reassured that this was still what Arnon wanted. It wasn't that Tommy didn't care about the other boy but he couldn't be...gay... He loved girls and their bodies, just not as much as he happened to like touching Arnon's at the time. That's what he kept telling himself.

The tears were flowing again and he couldn't stop his voice anymore even thought it as choking on the emotions he'd held in. "I had been too scared to admit to myself, though I think you knew that. I wish I had been able to be there for you more. I feel like maybe if I had been a bit more honest then we wouldn't be here now." He sobbed into his knees, holding the flowers he had brought with him and let himself grieve. He stayed like that for he didn't know how long. By the time he got up his pants were dry and there were wet flowers upon the grave.

That night he dreamt of Arnon and for the first time since that horrific scene he found it peaceful because he dreamt solely of Arnon's embrace. He woke feeling more refreshed than he had in ages and smiled at the picture of the beautiful boy by his beside.

As the years passed he thought of Arnon less and pushed himself into his own life. Yet whenever he was feeling blue, troubled, or even just lonely he found his way to the nearest flower shop and made his way to his first love's grave. After returning home no matter how many years passed he would dream of that beautiful boy and the life they could have had.

"It's okay to move on." Dee had told him once finding him at the grave and clapping him on the back. Sometimes Tommy wondered how much he knew. It didn't matter, not anymore Tommy had forgiven himself and forgiven Arnon a long time ago.

He had moved on in love, but no matter how much he loved who he was with he kept dreaming of his first unfulfilled love. He wondered if it was because in his current lover he was chasing a ghost, not that anyone could see any resemblance. He could feel though in the way he was always chasing that feeling that Arnon had given him. Though Tommy was always vocal with his feelings and free with affection, even if in his dreams he was in someone else's arms.

Until one day he met the same violence that Arnon had at the end of a gun. He'd been walking towards the cemetery on the fifteenth anniversary of his death when gangs turned against each other in broad day light. He was smiling when they found him flowers in his hand.

When Tommy died young due to the violence of a drive by Dee had to wonder if he had found peace. Dee did what Tommy asked and buried him next to Arnon. When he visited their graves he would swear it felt more peaceful than it ever had there before. And he imagined that it was because they were both at peace now.


End file.
